here's a post i wrote in the blog i have going with my students about what we read: Thursday, May 31, 2007 Twilight by Stephenie Meyer I seriously do not know what to do with myself. I just finished Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Literally just finished it maybe two minutes ago. Well, add another minute to find out that there's not a copy of the sequel available for immediate check out from the public library. I think I'm going to go crazy, even having to wait one day to get to a bookstore and purchase it. I decided this afternoon that I was "desperately addicted" to this novel. I can't explain it, but I want more. I feel like Bella in the book, yearning for Edward and to be with him forever. I feel like Edward seduced by Bella's scent and knowing it'd be better if he stayed away from her, but feeling so irresistibly attracted. I can't even read what the third book is about (to be released in August) because I'm afraid it'll ruin the second book for me! Is this crazy? I love it when I find a book that hooks me so thoroughly. Is it weird that I left high school ten years ago and here I am lulled into the life of a high schooler, feeling as if I was a part of her soul, her being, and feeling everything she does?! Maybe it's working in a high school that keeps me in that frame of mind. Either way, I'm glad I can enjoy teen fiction! I'm glad I'm a teen librarian! Twilight is the story of two star-crossed lovers, Bella and Edward. Why are they star-crossed? Meet Bella, a human. Meet Edward, a vampire! This, the first novel, is their introduction and subsequent falling in love. I was worried in the beginning, knowing that Edward was a vampire (from reading reviews) and wondering how hokey the book was going to be. I thought I'd be able to figure out what was going to happen and how cliche and predictable it would be. Even when I was feeling skeptical, I still felt spellbound and couldn't pull myself away. Every minute away from the Stephenie Meyer's words felt like torture! Fortunately, it didn't take long to become completely addicted, reading as fast as I could to find out what was going to happen on the next page! So do I download the audiobook to my iPod so I can listen to it on the way to school in the morning? On the road this weekend as we head out of town to visit friends? Or do I drop by the bookstore after school tomorrow so I can read it (at the possible detriment of the classes I'm taking!) and savor each word, yearning for more along the way? __________ Before I go on, I did have a thought about why I feel this way from reading a book about high schoolers. I've never really left "school"... any TYPE of school! High school to college to grad school to working in a high school! It's weird sometimes when I read books about ADULTS (which is more than this statement might let on!) and I'm not familiar with the office experience or the dating world, etc (perhaps my not experiencing dating outside of school environment?), and well, "regular, adult LIFE." I've also just started school again myself and well... will I ever escape? So going back, after I wrote the post I pasted above, Trevor and I literally hopped in the car and ran down the street to Borders before they closed and purchased New Moon! Amazing... why didn't I think of doing that before? I could have finished more than just a chapter! hah! I only let 30 or so minutes pass since finishing the book and heading to the store. That was Thurs night, started the book that night, read a chapter or two at work the next day (waiting for the bell to ring to start the morning; occupying myself while the computer loaded; two minute breaks to "refresh" myself in the midst of inventory mania...), and then again when we got here to our friends' house in Raleigh last night, finishing the book about 6 this evening! Here's what I wrote: Saturday, June 02, 2007 7:56 PM We're in Raleigh and have been here since last night at about 7:45. I was tired and couldn't wait to get back to reading my book, New Moon. Though they had guests over (a nice gathering consisting of a jam session and good ol' socializing with friends), I sat in the living room and later lied across my "borrowed" bed and read the entire evening until I finally couldn't keep my eyes open after 1am (or later?). I just finished the book this afternoon just before 6 and I still feel like I'm in this "daze" and am slowly trying to come out of it. I thought it'd be easier than this, but I still feel like the book is more "real" than my real life. It's confusing. The only thing I can think of is that the book filled me with so many strong emotions and I feel like I'm lacking those emotions in my day-to-day life. After I just wrote that and paused for not five seconds, I realized that in my Buddhist studies, I should be studying Dharma and meditation and spending my time contemplating it. I think that might ground me again to this life and help me remember that it's my future lives I need to be worried about. It just feels so ODD! I still feel full of the love that Bella feels for Edward, the vampire, and for his family. I long for those feelings, I suppose. Do they even exist in "real life?" I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. I wonder at those who have such strong emotions on a daily basis and if they're true, sincere, or even pure. Are they worth having? Is the hunt for these strong emotions what causes so much suffering in the world? It seemed so much easier when I was enveloped in my daily practice, aiming towards non-attachment (wait! All these emotions are is ATTACHMENT!). Maybe if I sit here and try to contemplate the suffering that attachment causes, I can come back from this la-la land of fiction. Like Bella not knowing if she can survive without Edward, can I survive without the third book of Bella's story until it comes out in August? The answer seems an obvious "of course!" but in this half-numb state, I'm not really sure. I might delve into a state similar to Bella's numbness after Edward left her. Silly, huh? Maybe being here in Raleigh makes me think about my life from a different perspective? For one, I feel like I have no friends at home (it's not straight-out true, but a few moments ago, I started to remember the night-long conversations I would have with friends about "deep" topics, or so I thought at the time...). We're here with friends, but I still don't feel like I can sustain a full-length conversation with them on my own. I don't want the simple chit-chat anymore. I'm not as passionate about the music as I use to be or the hippie clothes or whatever. I yearn for substance and perhaps that's why I escape to books so much (do I not want to CREATE substance?). It's ok going day-to-day at work and conversing and feeling happy. Outside of work, Trevor and I keep ourselves fairly occupied (and happy) and it isn't until emotions I didn't know I longed for show up in a book I'm reading that I realize what I'm missing. Back to the previous paragraph - they're not worth yearning for and will only cause suffering! Must meditate… I wish I'd brought Joyful Path… ____________ I'm sure I'll snap out of this. If not tonight, then Monday when the routine begins again. I don't ask these questions at home, I don't think! At least not to this extent... or maybe I don't put them into words. My inner dialogue is usually emotions and not words, per se. After reading certain books, though, I find the dialogue and it always seems to be a reflection of the narration of the book I've most recently read. Sleeping in Flames (Jonathan Carroll) is waiting for me at the public library. Interesting to see what THAT brings!